i like you

I don't get why I'm so mean to people even though I really like them. much of what comes out of my mouth when I talk about others are complaints, criticism, or judgement. and then when I actually hear what I'm saying, I realize that it's not really how I feel at all. I like everybody. Most people do not think so, but I do. There is not one person that I do not end up liking after I get to know them. So let me get to know you, so I can like you and admire you. Why is it so hard for us to express how we really feel and think?

I wish you could eat my spirit and throw it back up so that you could understand me more clearly. I don't mind having myself completely digested, broken down, and made available for everyone I know to see.

But, then again, I know that before I become able to let you see it, I must learn to let God see me-- in the form of the disgusting Harry Potter vomit jellybean.

INK

John Cadengo let me use a uniball signo micro 207 pen and I really liked it. It was dark, fine-point, and did not bleed through the paper.

I like things like that. I like clear concepts that make dark and permanent impacts on my way of thinking. I do not like it when concepts are too thick, bleed through and make a mess of my train of thought. I don't like wasting ink.

I have this one friend that sends me text messages with quotes about once a week. Yesterday, he sent me one that says, "If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?" - Stanislaw Lee.

It makes me really sad when people complain about their parents' rules and nagging. I miss my dad telling me what time to come home and yelling at me when I go out without telling him. I miss him trying to force his Korean influence on me. I miss him bossing me around like telling me to make him food and wash the car and do the laundry. I won't have the chance to do little things like that for him ever again. Your time will run out too.

I also miss my mom having enough time to teach me and guide me by the hand through every little obstacle that comes my way. I miss thinking that she was the smartest, strongest, and greatest person in the world.

I wish everyone could realize how lucky they are so they can find joy in appreciating their parents and so that they can show their parents that they are appreciated. I guess you really don't notice what you have, until it's gone.

blogging

why do people blog? i used to blog but make most of the entries private. then i decided that writing in a journal is better. 

i dont think id be a good public blogger. because when i write its hard for me to control the verbal diarrhea of personal information and exaggerated emotions. It's also very hard for me to stay on point when i write. it probably wouldnt even matter if someone found my journal and started reading it cuz i have horrible illegible writing and its written in a way in which only i can understand. its basically a list of all my feelings, thoughts, and opinions blotted down in no specific order. at one point i used to write my journal in a special code so people wouldn't understand if they read it. i dont know why i went through all the trouble... everything in my journal entries are full of personal crap that affect only me.